Heart Check

I finally picked up the bible again to day and I found myself in Genesis 20-22. This is the story of how God tested Abraham by asking him to perform the ultimate sacrifice. God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son; a son he had waited decades for; a son which God had promised would bring Abraham great blessings. Now, I'm not sure what thoughts were going through Abraham's mind at the time, but I sure know the thoughts that would have been going through mine, had I been in the same situation. "Are you kidding me, God?!" would have been one of many. Once Abraham proved his obedience to God, his son was spared. Not only was Abraham's son spared, Abraham was promised great blessings as a reward for his obedience. This is an incredible story to me. Despite the obvious parallels to how God sacrificed His only son on Calvary to atone for all of our sins, this story is amazing. How many times have I questioned God in the midst of a trial? How many times have I cried out to God for help and then disobeyed His instruction? As a result, how many blessings have I bypassed? How many times have I denied God the opportunity to show me His absolute glory and splendor? Today, while reading this story, God reminded me of a very important question I often hear believers and non believers ask. "If God already knows our hearts, what is the purpose of testing us? Why make us go through all that pain and suffering?" Well folks, do we know our own hearts? Until a trial or test comes our way, do we really know how we will respond? Could it be that trials and tests are a way God reveals to us the true nature of our hearts? What if failures are a way we can be enlightened and reminded where we still need work? In the same light, what if as a reward for our obedience we are allowed to see more of God's true nature and get a little pat on the back? I've come to realize that we, as God's children have far more knowledge to gain from our trials than God does. Moving forward, I hope, as trials come my way, I can remember this lesson. I hope I am more likely to trust and obey God instead of jumping to my own conclusions. I learn far greater things, and experience many more blessings when I allow God to write my story instead of snatching up the pen and writing my own endings.

Longsuffering Liana

Long Suffering. Suffering Long. No matter how you phrase it, it conjures up mental images of pain and quantities of time that seem excessive. 

My life seems to be marked by these long periods of time where I must suffer. And endure. And wait. It seems as if the waiting is the most painful, stressful, agonizing part of it all. And yet it is the characteristic of longsuffering that defines it, makes it what it is.

Many times I find my identity in this title: Longsuffering Liana. And in many ways I loathe this identity. It seems so ugly. So gruesome. As if it is so disturbing that it hurts to look at. As if it makes me an outcast. 

However, I am beginning to see the beauty of it. The breathtaking aspects of a woman waiting. Enduring for a greater good. A higher purpose. To show the awesome, awe-inspiring, can't turn away, dumb-founding beauty of a God who can take one covered in crimson stains and make them white as snow, who can break the chains of addiction, who can change the leopards spots and create a new creation, breathe life into dry, dead bones and set them dancing, who can cause such joy in a king that he would toss aside his pride and image to dance in his underwear at who God is and what He has done and is doing and will do. All for the glory of God.

That's what it's about. That's why I can rest in this trait that marks my days, marks my identity. It's not ugly. It's not a repulsive scar. It's a sign, a marker pointing to my King. Bringing glory to my Lord, the One who saves, redeems and gives the strength and patience needed to allow me to be Longsuffering Liana.

Tick. Tock.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

It's like a scene in a movie of people in the waiting room watching time pass so slow its painful. Wanting the news to be good or at least hopeful, but knowing, understanding the likelihood that it won't be. And yet the scene simultaneously contains the intense anxiety of the hero trying to disarm the bomb with just seconds to spare. Hoping for his life but knowing it could just explode in his face.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Time passes so slow. I don't know what demons I will face from one moment to the next. The anxiety is overwhelming. The uncertainties plague my every thought. I want to turn to the Word but it seems like the answers I want aren't there. And I fully recognize the pride and dishonor in that. I am simply so downtrodden that sitting Indian style in sack cloth and a pile of ashes dazing for days is more appealing to me than just about anything.

And yet that's no excuse. To deny God's goodness. To deny His power. If anything I should be more alive than ever. For what greater picture of His goodness is there than its comparison to the destruction and havoc wrought by sin. And what greater opportunity for His omniscience to be displayed than in a seemingly hopeless, helpless, dire situation such as that of my marriage.

I used to be a fighter. I used to say I'll do anything. His soul is of utmost importance. "Whatever it takes" were my words. There is a glimmer of that still existing but it is fading in the fog of despair.

However, I am holding on. I am bound to obedience. My lover wants to stay and so I must. For to give up now and not allow God to be glorified from these ashes turned to beauty is a far worse fate.

Fear Not; Complain Not

Scripture:

10 "As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the LORD. 11 They said to Moses, 'Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? 12 Didn't we say to you in Egypt, Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!'
13 Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see gain. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."
EXODUS 14: 10-13


Observation:

The Israelites lacked faith in God to follow through with His promise of delivering them out of Egypt. Had they faith, they would have known there was nothing to fear. However, they were terrified and started trying to blame Moses for their doom. They looked at the situation and measured it by their own ability. They knew they could not take on an entire Egyptian army, fully equipped and on horseback. The Israelites were doubtful and short sighted. They surely believed this was the end of them; they would all be killed. They told Moses he should have let them remain as slaves. For, as slaves at least they were safe from danger and they had food to eat. All through Exodus chapters 15-16 the Israelites continue to doubt God and complain about their circumstances:

"When they came to Marah, they could not drink its water because it was bitter. (That is why the place is called Marah) So the people grumbled against Moses, saying 'What are we to drink?'" EXODUS 15:23-24

"In the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, 'If only we had died by the LORD's hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to stave this entire assembly to death.'" EXODUS 16:2-3

In the middle of Exodus 16, and near the end, the Israelites continued to doubt God and His promises. They display this doubt by disobeying Moses when told not to save any extra food until the morning. The Israelites did not listen and saved some bread for the next morning. When they awoke, the extra bread they had saved was full of maggots. Later on in Chapter 16, Moses tells the Israelites to take twice as much food as was needed on Saturday so they would have enough for Sunday without having to go collect food on the Sabbath. The Israelites still tried to go collect food on the Sabbath and found none.


Application:

Oh, Israelites, how often I can relate to you! I have prayed that God deliver me from certain circumstances or sin in my life. Often times I have found myself complaining about how uncomfortable certain stages were, or how inconvenient it was to incorporate necessary changes in my life. Change is never comfortable. Change is never easy. But, change is necessary. How ridiculous is it to ask God for something and then sit back and complain each step of the way as He grants my request? Moses says in reply to the Israelites' complaints towards himself and Aaron in EXODUS 16:8 "... Who are we? You are not grumbling against us, but against the LORD." When I complain about other people, or circumstances, no matter who I try to blame, ultimately I am complaining against God. Ouch; that statement stings a little.

As I read through Exodus, I can't help but to think towards the Israelites "YOU MORONS! God freed you from slavery and parted the Red Sea right before your very eyes! And, aside from a song you sung after He parted the red sea, you seem to so quickly forget and go back to griping!" But, often I am the same type of moron. I so easily forget what God has promised. I so easily forget or am blinded to the amazing works God has already done for me. I doubt Him and His promises and I complain that things don't seem to be going as I would have thought or planned. How short sighted I can be at times! God never promised us that following Him and obeying His word would be easy and comfortable. Nope; it's quite the contrary. But, we have nothing to fear and should fully trust in Him to follow through with what He has promised. After all, it's impossible for Him to lie. He has said He will guide us and stick by us always. He will, and all we have to do is "be still", as Moses put it. I do not need to take matters into my own hands. All I need to do is be still, listen and obey.


Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for revealing to me how ridiculous it is for me to complain about anything. Thank You for pointing out that no matter where I am or how undesirable, uncomfortable, or how much I feel I am suffering that it's never appropriate to complain. Thank You for Your grace, that even when I'm ungrateful You still provide for my every need. Thank You for loving me so much that You do not want to see me stay where I am, and so You stretch me. Thank You that no amount of suffering, sacrifice or pain, caused by following Your will for my life, ever goes unrewarded. Thank You for being more concerned with my character than my comfort. Please take every complaint from my heart and replace them with only gratitude. When fear and doubt creep at my door, remind me how much bigger You are than anything I could possibly fear. Thank You Lord for Your promises. Thank You for staying constant and fully reliable. In the name of Jesus Christ I pray, ~Amen

Where does your Treasure Lie?

Scripture:

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Luke 12:34


Observation:

I often wonder why my heart doesn't seem to be in the right place, or why I don't care about things I should. I wonder why I am so easily angered by my spouse or children. It all comes down to what I treasure. Am I treasuring my husband? Do I treasure my children? Do I treasure others? Chances are, I am treasuring something I should not when I lack the desire to care for things and/or people I should.


Application:

It's time I figure out what I currently treasure, and what I should be treasuring. Do they line up? Soul searching is in order. I need to dig up my treasure and trade it in so that my heart will be where it should.


Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for revealing to me that my heart is not in the right place and that I need to find a new treasure. As I seek and as I listen, help me to find the treasure You desire me to have. Reveal to me the things of this world that are not worth treasuring and make room in my heart for what You have to offer.
In the name of Jesus Christ,

~Amen

Trust in the Unfailing

Selected Scripture:

“For no word from God will ever fail.”

-Luke 1:37

Observation:

Zechariah and Mary have similar, yet fundamentally different responses to the angel’s birth announcement. Upon hearing that his wife, Elizabeth, is to bear a son in her old age, Zechariah disbelievingly responds, “Why should I believe you?” He is so focused on his apparent reality that he is unable to see that God is bigger than circumstances or “common sense.” Mary, however, responds simply by saying, “How will God do what He promises?” From the angel’s positive response, we can infer that it wasn’t disbelief prompting Mary’s curiosity, but rather faithful acceptance and wonder. Gabriel explains some of God’s plan and reiterates what Mary already knows:

“…no word from God will ever fail.”

Application:

For the believer, for me, this verse is so loaded with implication. It implies that God is sovereign, that His plans are final, and that He is eternal in victory. It means, quite frankly, that God’s will is absolute and that my life is what He intends it to be in all my joy, my suffering, my wealth, and poverty. I don’t know this is what I’m meant to take from this lesson, but I do know that the angel is telling Mary—and all of us—that God is powerful enough to keep His promises whatever our circumstances. Can I be satisfied with that when I’m at my lowest? Can I believe in this aspect of God’s nature even when the Enemy uses my outward circumstances to suggest the Father has abandoned me?

Prayer:

You asked me once if I would love You…even if You never healed by body, never healed my family, never allowed me to finish school or do what I love for a living. With all my heart, God, I want my answer to be, “Yes,” always. Help me to trust in Your unfailing nature, to remember that You’ve promised to redeem my suffering, and that You are always good, whatever I experience.

But not with God.

I am a planner. When I get the opportunity to plan an event, my mind starts racing with all the things that need to be accomplished in order for it to come together. I am so detail oriented that I become consumed with the details; I can hardly pull myself away. I delight in planning the particulars so it takes major effort for me not to focus on only what needs to be done.

This past Saturday I received some information about an event that is absolutely incredible; I am nearly paralyzed by how life changing it will be. Nonetheless, my mind went to work making a mile-long list of all the things that need to be done to prepare. But with each thing I list, I see my inability to accomplish it. Normally, this would frustrate the bejeezus out of me, but Mark 10:27 keeps flashing across the marquee of my mind: “With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible.” And I find myself overwhelmed with awe at the opportunity to see God move in a way that only He can.  I am consumed with peace at knowing this is so huge, only He can make it happen.

Father, clothe me with Your righteousness and armor that the fiery darts of the enemy and the attempts to divert my gaze from You would be thwarted. You are my light and my salvation, the strength of my life. What shall I fear? Of whom shall I be afraid? I pray that You would move in a way that is so mighty, that all those who get to witness Your hand would stand in awe of who You are and how much You love Your children. I thank You for allowing me to be a part of this—blow their socks off! To You alone be the Glory!